Uncategorized

Selfies

I am of the opinion that selfies have a bad wrap. Yes they can be somewhat annoying in certain circumstances, however, I think they’re a rather powerful form of expression. It’s a way to capture and control an image of yourself that you want to share and cultivate or simply preserve for the future. They rarely contain unflattering poses, or mouths gaping open, or double chins. They can show silliness, sadness, crafted goods or sincerity. The pictures of my own youth also don’t generally include my own mom as she was always the person behind the camera. I love to look back through digital feeds and laugh at the pictures I took both of my children and of myself. I also like that they will have a record of how I looked in my younger years. I like that they will have a visual reminder that I took the time to snap a picture so that they can remember what we used to do. So I’m a fan of selfies and plan to keep taking them, not for ‘likes’ but for my kids.

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goals, musings

Updates

So.  Updates.  Insurance finally agreed to pay part of the medication-that-shall-not-be-named, I accepted a job offer but it didn’t work out, I’ve barely been posting to FB and am seriously toying with dumping it altogether, I’ve Instagrammed the kid-cuteness, and I’ve been reading ‘Daring Greatly’ by Brene Brown.  If you haven’t picked it up, please do.  She has quite a bit to say about shame, vulnerability, and how it motivates the actions of those around us and ourselves.  Here is a link to the TedBlog with quotes from the book if you’re a bit interested. I’m still digesting it but have many thoughts, the most prominent being how we self-censor in order to protect ourselves.  It has me thinking about the self-censoring done here.  I don’t post quite a bit of the things I write and think about mostly because I don’t want to offend anyone, show off my ignorance, or deal with crazy troll comments. I lack that courage? Maybe I should just ask for the reader to be kind? I’m not sure of the answer.  Musings for today, I suppose.

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Uncategorized

Prior Authorization

So I was taking a med for my ADHD. And I loved it. But it’s one of those meds you’re not ‘supposed’ to love because it’s a controlled substance and highly addictive, etc. And I don’t like to admit that I love/d it. It may be because of the stigma associated with it or because most of the time when I mention ADHD the reaction is often polite nods and patronizing smiles. We switched insurance companies recently and this one now requires ‘prior approval’ for my med. A quick google reveals that this process can be tedious and a mild pain in the ass or it is a full on circle jerk of a nightmare. You can guess which end of the spectrum I am experiencing since I’m bothering to write about it. Since I’m currently in ‘career transition’ (man, I REALLY hate that phrase) every penny counts, so out of pocket isn’t happening which means that for now I’m just not taking anything. It sucks. My head is really ‘loud’ again. It means a constant humming of word/images/ideas and the ability to see them whiz by but only occasionally being able to actually grab ahold of and put them to constructive use. It means word vomit at every turn instead of only occasionally. It means a house that’s a full on mess and losing random things and finding them in random places. It means giant amounts of coffee, daily exercise, a high protein diet. Maybe fish oil? Since this is the first time I’ve ever taken anything, this is the first time I’ve had to stop. Maybe in another couple of weeks I’ll look back on this as a blessing in disguise? A lesson that I can do it on my own and all the naysayers are right? In any case, I’m a little too proud to beg for my med…or any med for that matter. I’d rather white-knuckle through the shitty days than ask for approval for something It took months (years?!?) to even go to the doctor to ask for help regarding. I’m thankful that I can still function sans medication, but it makes me angry for those who really can’t. So that’s where I am right now. Angry. I’ll keep you posted.

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Knitting stories

The First Thing I Ever Knit

While I was digging through my yarn closet I came across the first thing I ever knit up. Since I generally don’t participate in ‘throw back Thursday’ shenanigans, I thought I’d make an exception for my first knitty bit. Sadly, I can’t find my first swatch. I hope that this little number will give a beginner at anything hope & remind us all that we aren’t perfect right out of the gate.

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That hole at the top of the crown is totally supposed to be there. Same with the sad little seam. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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goals

Goals

One of my favorite types of blog posts is the ‘goals for the year’ post. In typical ADHD fashion, I’m late for the year (it’s already February, yo). I keep toying with writing, blogging, and crafting on a regular basis. As you can see in my archives, sometimes I’m successful, & often I skip out for quite extended bits of time (sorry that’s not terribly encouraging, but it’s true). So. Goals. Here we go:

1. Don’t limit myself to specific subjects. Write what I’m thinking about & what is inspiring at the moment.  Since I’m currently in ‘Career Transition’, there will  probably be a lot of knitting posts.
2. Schedule at least three posts per week.  Five would be better, but I’m still learning how to write without sounding like a complete narcissist or asshole. I’m sure at some point I will show my prejudices, privilege, and ridiculousness.  But for now, I’m shooting for 3 times a week at minimum.
3. Keep the kids off the blog. They aren’t featured often here and while it’s hard not to write about all the cute snuggles, sayings, etc. I do want to keep this more of a grown up space.  It’s okay to share them on other social media or mention them, but no face pictures from here on out. I’m not a mommy blogger & I’m not sure how this blog will evolve anyway.  It started out as a beginner knitting blog and I was terrible keeping up with my knitting stories and posting.  To be fair I did start it way back in the dinosaur days when a person had to take pictures and manually upload them to the computer.  Thank you technology for making life easier!
4. Write something every day, even if it’s just a draft. IMPROVE and listen to criticism constructively.
5. Take more pictures and IMPROVE. This is a big one. I am pretty visual and while I love photography, I’m by no means a professional nor do I strive to become a professional.  But it would be nice if I didn’t cringe when I look at the photos I post.  I’ve also never been one to have actual photos lying around.  Generally, those pictures are hiding somewhere in a roll I never developed or on a device that I’ve lost all the cords to or a phone that a child has dumped in a glass of water (true story).
6. Write out my patterns, even if they’re just notes on a post.  I someday want to actually write patterns to either sell or give away.  Right now, I just want to practice writing them out.
7. Switch to wordpress.org.  I’m not sure when this is going to happen, but it’s going to be this year.  I want a Pinterest plugin.  BAD.  HAHA!  I’m only halfway kidding.  But I do want to take this hobby a little bit more seriously and see if it goes anywhere.  The first step is to actually make it a bit more professional and according to the advice on the great wide interwebs, hosting is the next logical step.

I have more things I’d like to do in the coming months, but for now, I’m thinking this is a good place to start.  Cheers!

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